Recipes for Living William and Denise Sebek

Young families of the Osceola United Methodist congregation give encouragement in the face of predictions that 66% of the current year's marriages will fail, and that abuse and neglect within the family structure abound. None is more heartening than the following account of the Sebek family. as told by Denise.

Bill's name is Czechoslovakian and pronounced she'-beck (the first "e" has the same sound as "chef'). His father is 100% Czech, although the family has been in America for generations.

Bill was born in Fairmont, Minnesota, and the family moved to Lincoln, Nebraska, when Bill was a year old. A year later the family moved to Wilber, Nebraska. His father, David Sebek, was originally from Wilber. Bill's grandparents were farmers but when his immediate family moved to Wilber, his father ran a gas station. Bill's mother, Erma Homer Sebek, was originally from Friend, Nebraska. She was one of 10 children and her father was a Methodist minister. She taught 3rd grade at Wilber. Bill's mother and the kids attended the United Methodist Church regularly. Bill's dad attended church for weddings and funerals.

Bill's family never moved from Wilber even to this day. He has a brother, Ken, two years older than he, and a sister, Carol, one year younger. Ken is married and he and his wife have one child. He is a Major in the Air Force, stationed in Pensacola, Florida. Carol married a farmer, Kenny, and they have two children. Carol has a child from previous marriage. She is a stay-at-home mom, like her two sisters-in-law. ·

Bill's elementary and high school education was at Wilber, after which he went on to study electronics at Southeastern Community College in Milford, Nebraska. Upon graduation, in 1982, he took a job with Natural Gas Pipeline Company. He worked one year at Beatrice, Nebraska, before being transferred to Lovington, New Mexico. ·

I had grown up in Friend, Nebraska. My parents were farmers, living on Dad's parents' farm, and raising regular row crops and feeder pigs. Mother had an RN degree and worked at a local hospital. They had three children: my brother, Mark, two years older than me; and my identical twin sister, Darlene. She and I were really close: Growing up in a small town, going to a small school, we were always in the same class and had the same friends. We went out for the same sport-volleyball-and even went to the same college and roomed together. That meant that all my life I had someone who experienced the same things, knew the same people, knew what was going on in one another's lives and felt the same way about things as I did.

We aren’t quite as close anymore because we live some distance apart now and have different life styles. Darlene worked her way through college and graduate school for ten years. She now lives in St. Louis, Missouri, and is a physical therapist in a large hospital/clinic. She married about 1 ½ years ago. Her husband, John, is a marketing coordinator with AG Edwards Company. They are expecting their first child in January. She and I still talk on the phone a lot but are only able to see each other three or four times a year.

Mark is in Ulysses, Nebraska, and his wife's name is Valerie. They have six children from previous marriages and one together. He works in, a factory and she is a stay-at-home mother. We seldom are in touch and only see them about once a year.

I went to school, from kindergarten through 12th grade in Friend, Nebraska. Of all my teachers I best remember the one I had in 1st grade. She really cared for the kids and wanted her students to learn in whatever way they could. She was particularly strong in Math and in 1st grade we learned to count to 100, orally and in writing. She kept good order. My family attended church regularly at the Evangelical Lutheran Church, in Cordova.

I went on for further secretarial education at Southeastern Community College in Lincoln, Nebraska. While there, was introduced to Bill by mutual friends in Crete, Nebraska, in 1983. We dated a couple of months before he was transferred to New Mexico. For a year we dated long distances, keeping in touch by letters and phone calls. When I graduated in 1984, I moved to Lovington, New Mexico, to get my first secretarial job. I was hired by a junior college to work in the registrar's office. Later I worked at Chevron's large oil production office in Hobbs.

The transition of going from an agricultural to desert type area was shocking. Instead of livestock and crops, oil is the main industry there. We were in the southeast comer of New Mexico, where the land is flat with nothing but oil wells for miles and miles. The air was dry and there was always the smell of stink gas, which is unusable gas that is burned off from a high smoke stack. There was no smog, no low-lying fog, and no humidity; it would just blow on through. The days were extremely hot but once the sun went down, it was very comfortable. The evenings were beautiful and the sunsets gorgeous because the land was flat and we could see for miles and miles.

I had my own personal adaptation to deal with. For the first time in my life, I lived alone in my own apartment and I was so scared! I had never been separated from my twin and now I lived 750 miles away. It was a somewhat dangerous area, with a mixture of races, mostly white and Hispanics. Having grown up in the Midwest, I had hardly ever seen anyone other than Caucasian, so it was strange and hard that everywhere I wend I saw dark-skinned people and heard Spanish spoken. The schools were about one-half whites and one-half Hispanics. The work ethic was much different than the Midwest’s hard work and loyalty to a company. But from what I observed in that area, there was no sense of responsibility toward the work; employees simply put in their time. There was a lot of absenteeism and employees showing up on the job intoxicated. This happened at the oil rigs in the oil fields. I was in a professional office so didn't have direct contact with the oil field hands and roustabouts.

Bill and I were married in April, 1985. It was interesting to plan the wedding across states. For one thing, I was young and didn't have definite ideas of what I wanted. We were 750 miles from where the wedding would be, in my hometown church in Cordova; so it was very helpful that Bill's sister and one of his cousins helped with the planning and we didn't have to be involved to a great extent.

Mother made my wedding dress. She sews a lot and had, in fact, taught me to sew. On a visit to Nebraska, we chose two patterns. Combining those two patterns, she made a sample dress from old, knit material that had an ugly orange background with a floral design. The Christmas before we were to be married, Bill's family came for the holiday and brought the sample dress for me to try on. Bill and I were of two opinions of it. Bill thought my mom had gone crazy but thought it would work. I still have a picture of the orange sample wedding dress. But Bill's mother and I got it to fit, sent it back to my mom and she made the necessary adjustments. It turned out to be a beautiful, white satin gown, just like I wanted.

Our attendants were my sister as maid of honor, Bill's sister as a bridesmaid along with another friend of mine. When Bill was in high school, he had four or five fellows who were really good friends. They kept in touch after graduation for about 15 years. Bill's best man was his best friend from that group. There were 200-plus people who came and it was a lovely day.

My job then was in an office of Chevron Production Company, where I did clerical work in various departments, the last being when I worked in the engineering department compiling production reports and working up construction bids. Bill was a communications technician with NGPL and he was responsible for maintaining two-way radios, telephone systems, and microwave communication systems.

For five years we had a double income, no children, and lots of time. On weekends we went bicycling, played tennis with another couple, went camping with another, and traveled to nearby cities: Santa Fe, Albuquerque, Ruidoso, El Paso and Lubbock. My sister, Darlene, and Bill's sister, Carol, came to visit and the four of us traveled to El Paso, which is right on the border to Mexico. We walked across the bridge into Juarez, Mexico, and entered a different world. Children were begging in the street, vendors were set up hawking all kinds of wares. I was pretty naive and did not realize how unusual it would be for Mexicans to see our blond hair and fair complexions. It was uncomfortable when Mexican men whistled and made Bill so nervous that he just wanted out of there. We didn't stay long.

In rather demeaning terms, I mentioned the work ethic of that area. After the work day, most people seemed to party and drink; but the area is also part of the Bible belt so everyone was expected to be in church on Sunday. We affiliated with the United Methodist Church and joined a Bible Study that met once a week over a period of several years, studying a whole gamut of subjects, including Paul and others. The unique aspect of it was the mixture of ages. We met in a large group of about 20, but for each session we broke into small groups of about four. We learned so much from older people while they also learned the point of view of younger people. We were also befriended by a slightly older couple from a Baptist church, who became our "mentors" for a Christian marriage and family.

It was through that experience that we really gained a closer relationship with God and learned to follow through with actions. Bill and I became Sunday school teachers for 3rd grade. Looking back we can see that God was preparing us for what was about to come.

We transferred to Osceola, Iowa, in March of 1989, after several unsuccessful tries at transfers to the Midwest. We both wanted to be closer to family and to start our own family. We also wanted to be back to the Midwest countryside with trees and hills, a pleasant change from the desert. We very strongly believed God would find a way for us to be back in the Midwest and that it was also His desire for us to be there. Our faith in God was so strong that we listed our house for sale and packed some boxes a year before moving became a reality. Even though we grew up in the Midwest, moving back to it was another culture shock.

Bill no longer worked in communications. His new job with NGPL was to maintain the control systems for the compressor engines. He found this new position challenging as it required him to learn new skills and prove himself to new co-workers who had applied for the same job.

After moving to Iowa, Bill's dad suffered a heart attack and underwent five by-passes. It was in God’s plan for us to be near the family at this time. His surgery was a success and he is healthy today, ten years later.

A month after Bill's dad's surgery, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He underwent surgery and radiation. Bill and I went to be with my family almost every weekend until his death 10 months later, May 3, 1990, at the age of 61. Coming home one weekend, I almost asked my Mom who was the old shriveled-up man sitting in Dad’s chair; until I realized it was my dad. Cancer is a slow, agonizing death. He and Mom had moved to town to be closer to her work. Mom cared for Dad during this whole time and was with him at his death in the hospital.

This was an especially difficult time for Mom and us kids. Mark was going through his divorce at this time, my sister was ending a long-term relationship, Mom was struggling with personnel changes at work, and I was pregnant. What were we going to do with the farm?

Mark worked the farm for a year but found it too difficult while working full time 30 miles away. The farm was rented to a local farmer and still is today. A farm equipment auction was held and the farm buildings leveled or moved, which was traumatic for us kids because it was the only home we had ever known.

Mom moved to Seward, Nebraska, in the fall of 1993, to work at a nursing home. She had been skipped over for a promotion at the local hospital and it was best just to leave the situation. It was a difficult adjustment for her starting over in a new town. It was also difficult finding herself a widow at the age of 54. She is now very happy in Seward and has adjusted well.

In September, 1990, our first child was born, four months after my dad's death. This changed our lives forever. Neither Bill nor I had ever been around babies and we learned some things the hard way. Because of traveling back to Nebraska so often, we hadn't yet developed close friends in Osceola. We struggled emotionally, physically, and spiritually. God seemed to disappear. We were not supportive of one another. Our trials seemed overwhelming: major move, Bill's job change, Bill's dad's heart attack, my dad's illness and death, farm change, lower income, a new baby, and my ceasing employment. All this in 1 1/2 years.

Through perseverance, determination, time, and a slowly returning faith in God, we managed to overcome our hardships.

Our first child, Ashley, was also the first grandchild on Bill's side of the family. Upon their first meeting, Bill's mother just marveled at our newborn daughter. Our daughter, Lauren, soon followed in January, 1992; and Matthew was born in October, 1995. I read many pamphlets, books, and magazines about parenting. I talked to other mothers. I believe the first six years of a child's life are what shapes that child for the rest of his life. I choose to stay at home with my children because I want to watch them grow and be an important part of their lives.

The events that took place before our children were born taught us that life is precious. Life can be given and life can be taken away. God gave us children. We are to be their teachers.

I was given advice when Ashley was a newborn, just as all new mothers are given. This one piece of advice from a middle-aged male stranger stays with me: "Take care of them when they are young and they will take care of you when you are old." That along with my dad’s dying words to my mom will stay with me forever: "I wish I would have spent more time with the kids."